Favorite things

I get asked ALL THE TIME what I do to whiten my teeth.  Plus White 5 Minute Speed Whitening Gel!  That is my secret, and here is the best part, it costs like $7 at Walmart!

This comes in 2 different boxes.  I get the one that has the rinse as well.  It is like $2 more.  Then it comes with its own mouth piece. Toss the mouth piece, it is garbage! I head over to sporting goods and get myself 2 football mouth guards that I can boil  then shape to my mouth. they are like 99 cents each.

It says to use it everyday. I use it probable 3 times a week for about 3 weeks then I just do maintenance of about once a week. 

All I do it put the gel on my teeth then place the mouth guards on.  The best place and time to do it is in the shower.  You might drool in the mouth guards, so just drool in the shower! I make sure I leave it on for at least 10-15 minutes.  Then I spit, rinse, and be done!

It is seriously so easy.  I love it so much more than Crest White Strips. Those suckers are annoying because they slide all over my teeth.

You can pick them up at Walmart next time you are there, or you can just order it

Here

or

Here 

(Amazon is a little more expensive, but it is a prime item).

Don't mind my bushy eyebrows, lol, I promise I waxed them right after this!

I cried until my head hurt...

I remember it was St. Patrick's Day, 8th grade.  We had been learning about sex abuse in health class.  Ms. Buoy was my teacher.  My parents had known about everything for about 6 months or so at this point.  Everything was still a secret though.  We could not let my Aunt find out.  It would crush her, ruin her, and she would hate us.  My parents had confronted the man and everything was actually going good.  No offenses had been made.  No more being totally scared.  The only thing that hurt was hiding it from our Aunt.  Everybody was walking on egg shells at all times.
Why though.  Why would we keep it from her?
They had been going through a sexual abuse case of their own.  Protecting their daughter from the babysitters son.  You guys, we were babysitting for this man while he went to court to go scream, yell and try to get this boys life ruined, all while he came home and did the same/worse than the boy.  During the court hearings, counseling all everything they went through, we babysat a lot. Hence, why things happened more and more.  Also, I mean, their child couldn't go back to the babysitters house right?  We had my grandpa on board with us, wanting to get us into self defense classes.  He came to some counseling sessions.  He supported us and helped watch us with a close eye.  My grandma was also on board.  Helping us, watching us and supporting us.  My mom and dad were amazing through it.  Protecting us day in and day out. They must have really scared the man because all things stopped immediately. We were also ALL on board with keeping this from the Police, and my aunt.
So back to 8th grade.  We were learning about all the different kinds of abuse in class.  It triggered something in me.  My pot boiled over and I could not hold back emotion.  Later that day, while sitting in a cold room on a cold hard chair in science class, I broke down. I let it out. I just started bawling, in the middle of class.  And the more I cried the more I realized how ridiculous I looked for randomly bursting out in tears, and then I cried more. My teacher probably thought someone died. I died, teacher, I just boiled over and died.
I was sent to the counselor to talk about my problems and to call my mom and to figure myself out. I broke down and told the counselor everything. How he violated me for a year and a half.  How I held it in for so long. How I wasn't strong anymore and I just needed someone outside to know. I had to get it all out, and that is exactly what I did.  Another verbal vomit all on this innocent lady in her office.  I felt better.  I got it out. Someone else knew my secret.  Then the bad news, she was required to tell legal officials. My mom had already been called and she was on her way to the school. 
Again I felt alone, scared and like I had made the terrible mistake.  You see, the perpetrators have a  manipulation of turning everything around and that we will be the ones who get in trouble. Everything was about to change.  My cousins would grow up without a dad.  My aunt would hate us.  Everything was ruined because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Everything felt like my fault.
On some grace of mercy, because my mom is amazing at what she does and how she does things, we convinced this counselor that everything had been taken care of and no legal authority needed to be called.  This counselor could have lost her job this day, but we thank her with all our hearts for not involving the police yet. Now was not the time.
I cried so hard that day.  I will never forget. I always say March 17 is my anniversary of my verbal vomit.  It isn't a day of wearing green for me, it is a day to protect others and reflect on my past.  The day I humiliated myself at school for crying uncontrollably, and almost let our secret out.
Another day went by, and I was letting my uncle get away with sexually abusing me.

What doesn't kill us, Defines us

-1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;

-Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13

Sometimes as a kid, or even adults, bad things happen.  Sometimes those things are so bad it breaks apart families.  Sometimes, it ruins you.  Sometimes, you get so caught up in the whirlwind, you act out, or shut down. And sometime, you decide to fight and win.  Then many many years later, you still can't make sense of it.

As a child, I was sexually abused by an uncle.

OH MY GOSH, I HAVE NEVER ADMITTED THIS OUT IN THE OPEN BEFORE!

and my body is shaking and I'm nervous and scared and tears are rolling down my face.

But why, this is part of my story and it is a chapter in MY book. It shaped me, it made me learn so much.  I realized how cruel this world can really be.  I realized how amazing this world really is.

I remember the day it all came out.  Like a big pile of admission vomit that was out that I couldn't clean up.  It had been happening for about a year and a half, and getting more and more frequent, and more violent.  Nobody knew, except my sister and the man. 

It happened alone at his home.  It happened in his car when he would pick us up to babysit.  It happened in my own home, at my grandfathers cabin, and at an amusement park and even sitting down to dinner at a restaurant with many of my family members around.

.NOT A SOUL KNEW.

I remember sitting at dinner one day at a restaurant.  We all got seated together.  Our family, their family. I chose the end seat that faced the wall.  Our family on one side, their family on the other.  The man sat across from me. Out of all the seats, he chose mine. Was it intentional, i'll never know.  Towards the end of dinner, and remind you, it was summer time and I was wearing shorts, his foot began to slide up my leg. Starting at the ankles, and moving up towards my knees.  I'm sure I was starting to sweat with fear that this was really happening again, in front of my family.  I was scared.  What I would have done to just scream, throw my water in his face, stand up and run out. But I was trapped.  Trapped because I was scared.  Trapped because I felt violated.

As his foot made his way past my knees and started to creep even higher on my thighs I think I honestly just stared at him. Maybe I looked away. I acted like nothing was happening.  His foot made contact with my lady parts and swirled around as to try and arouse me.  I wanted to throw up.  I wanted to literally vomit all over. And this man, he enjoyed it. He enjoyed hurting me in a way that he will NEVER know.  The effects that these moments had on me still haunt me to this day.

I was a victim of child sex abuse. And I let my abuser get away with it.

When you look good, you feel good

I am a woman on a fitness journey.  I am SO sick of being jiggly.  I am not fat by any means, but per the charts, I am over weight.  I am not comfortable. I want to be strong.  I want to be confident. I want to be proud of myself. 

Ever since I can remember, I have been on a diet. Like literally, probably before I was 12.  My nickname growing up was "Two Ton Tayler."  Although I know those who called me it probably meant no harm, it still hurt, and messed with my brain.  In highschool I hit a little growth spurt and took some yoga and played softball and stopped eating.  I was the smallest I ever thought I could be. I literally lost like 20 pounds, in the summer.

It wasn't like I said to myself, don't eat, you will get so fat. I was more saying to myself "you don't NEED to eat."  I remember thinking, wow, I haven't eaten since yesterday morning.  Other times I would think, wow, I only had a small bowl of cereal today. I am not going to lie, those compliments felt SO good.  I was getting compliments from people I never spoke to, or people I didn't even think noticed me.  And here is the reality, at the time, my heaviest was 129. ONE TWENTY NINE.

Not a day went by that I didn't do crunches, lunges, squats and pushups before bed.

I was anorexic, and didn't even realize it...

Fast forward to today, married, two kids later and I have discovered some AMAZING food!  I live in Texas. We have Mexican, tex-mex, Italian, food trucks, Magnolia baking co, cupcake shops, candy stores, ice cream sandwich trucks, and it is ALL. SO. GOOD! First step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one right?

After my first kid, I did 1 program and lost the weight pretty fast.  After my second, I am 3 years out and a measly 3 pounds lighter than the day I brought him home from the hospital.  I get all the pity things of "But oh you look so great" and "but muscle weighs more than fat" and "you ran a half marathon, sometimes women just get bigger."  BULL, BULL, BULL. I am not buying it and I am doing something about it.  RIGHT NOW.

I'm sick of getting dressed and crying as I tuck in my love handles.  I am ready to buy jeans, but thank the lord for sweats and leggings all this time.  I am ready to go to the beach/pool and not hide behind a towel.  And, for my classic, I am done saying, take the picture shoulders up.

It is going to be hard, and I HAVE to dedicate myself. But here I go, on this journey, because it is time to take care of me, and get over all the negative self doubt I have.

Calorie Torching Workout

You guys, I LOVE to workout!  I love it so much that I eat so much with it!  ha ha just kidding, but my husband is a total baked goods fan that it is ALWAYS laying around.  I like to just come out and admit it, first step right?  I have no self control when it comes to baked goods in my house.  And, by baked goods that broadens the spectrum to chips and salsa, ice cream, and nice salty flavorful crackers.  Yep, I can eat fruits and veggies all day long, lean protein, got it, and cut out bread and pasta, DONE.  Chocolate chip cookie, nope, I am already on my second one!

I also follow like 5000 fitness girls on Instagram and I am in a few workout fit ladies groups on Facebook.  I even joined a gym and became friends with an awesome girl on Insta @mommytrainer

Her name is Nicole, follow her, she is pretty legit.

Anyway, here is a little workout I adapted and changed a bit through her!

Grab a towel cause you WILL sweat and get some serious ice water on hand ready to go!

You will need a treadmill, running shoes and some good mood boosting music.  Lately I have been blasting Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, but that's my own choice.

Here it is:

1/4 mile SPRINT (that is 1 time around a track, or .25 miles, or however you count it)

5 Burpees

10 pushups

15 squats (I add weight, but do not feel like you need to)

20 bicycle crunches

Then repeat 12 times.  TWELVE, total of 3 miles!  If you cannot complete 12, like your seeing stars and feeling faint, Please stop and please know that you will do better next time!

Good luck and enjoy your workout!  Then go eat some protein.  Have some egg whites, Ideal Lean protein shake, baked chicken, just get some protein and drink up all day long!

Some new bossy things moved in.....

You guys, I never ever thought I would say such a thing, but we let some animals move in and take over our lives!  We have like 26 chickens, a cow named Knucklehead and a cat named Howard.  The cat and 7 of those chickens are supposed to take care of any and all snakes.  They are paying their rent! as for the other 19, well, some will grow up to be cute (silkies) and the others to produce eggs.  I wont eat them, and I refuse to eat them, but the kids and Jase and hopefully some of our lucky ranch

family will never have to buy eggs again!

We bought an incubator and carefully placed each egg by type of chicken in to their categories.  All I knew was that the silkies were in the bottom right.  We waited anxiously for those 21 days.  I watched over them like a dumb mother hen and threatened my kids not to even touch the incubator. I would hold them up and dangle them in the air to see in there.  I watched the temperature, the humidity, you name it and I was right there telling Jase to increase, decrease, but don't let those dang chickens die.

The day came when my first was born.  He came early, a whole two days early.  Prompt, I like that.  He was my silkie and he was yellow, and already had fuzz on his feet.  He was mine! I loved him, what the heck?  You guys, this is so weird.

The next day, about 5 more hatched then by day 21, we had 19 baby chicks just chirping their way towards happiness.  Chirp, Chirp, Chirp. seriously, ALL. DAY. LONG!  I guess they are cute so they can stay.  We named the first born, LittleFoot. Bug got to name that one. Then we have Hatch, Indy, Buttercup, Michael, and a few poopybutt etc. from the little man who runs this place.  We are on day 3 of them all living and chirping.....I guess they can stay.

Then came the dang cow. I say dang, because baby cows are thee cutest things to brace this earth.  Their eyes and eyelashes are to DIE for!  This one though, he got his name quickly, and its sticking because he is a jerk!  The said little man who runs this house named him knucklehead.  He makes us literally go stand him up to feed him.  Not because he is hurt, or sad, or whatever, but because he is a man! Then...and THEN, when you are done feeding him, or pulling the bottle out to let more air into it, he quickly, very quickly, puts his head between your legs and whips his head up.  He is a jerk.  Oh, and I have also had to wash my sweats 3 times in the last 4 days.  He wipes his milk beard all over me, only in my favorite pants though.  He is a jerk.  He is our knucklehead, don't touch him. I feel kinda bad for Knucklehead.  His mom just left him.  Stranded.  Alone.  probably because he head butted her.  And for any of you newly nursing mom, those suckers are SO sore and SO tender.  I bet she was pissed, and probably cried out in pain and bit her lip and was just pissed. But whatever, he is my crazy cow now!