Christmas in my mouth

Do yourself theeee biggest favor and go purchase this like right now....go, now.  I'm sure they sell  it everywhere. I found it at Walmart.  See, this is why I should NOT live so far from town.  I shopped today, ate it on the way home, then hid the last little bit in my pantry.  I know it will be gone by the season premiere of Fixer Upper.  So now I am finding reasons why I need to drive 25 miles to the nearest grocery store to buy myself some more.

Merry Freaking Christmas Taste Buds..... Happy Freaking Holidays hips! lol

Love Always WIns

I don't care if you take this quote in light of Black Lives Matter.  Or with Same Sex Marriage.  Or to Bullying.  Or to the Trump protestors.  Or whatever you want to apply this to, do it.  Its so true, Love Always Wins.

I briefly read a story that happened here in Waco, Texas at Baylor University.  I honestly didn't read the whole thing, I just skimmed it and assume I have the story.  A young black student was walking to class when someone shoved her off the sidewalk and called her the Nasty N word.  In support, 300, THREE HUNDRED, students showed up and walked her to class.  I cried for 2 reasons through this story.  1, how cruel and dark and terrible people behave. And 2, how people stepped up and showed this person it is NOT ok, and showed this young girl that people have her back.  I am so proud of each one of those 300 people.  I so wish I knew about it so I could go walk her to class as well.  TO be there, to be the light. 

I am so saddened that my children have to grow up in a world with so much hate and disgust.  When and why did it change from when I was little. 

I grew up in Layton, Utah, and to be honest, the black population was very very slim to none.  Never once did I ever even think to treat one of them differently.  Not once did I deny a friendship.  Not once did their skin color change anything about the way I saw them vs a white person. 

I want my kids to grow up and KNOW that Love is the answer.  I will not stand for bullying.  I will not stand for anything but respect and love for other people and animals.  I want them to know that I want them to be kind.  I want them to never judge.  I want them to stand up for others.  I want them to be role models.  I don't care what Religion, Ethnicity, gay or straight, car choice, sport choice, anything, everybody deserves the right to be respected and loved.  I will try every dang day to be an example to them and SHOW them that these rules stand.  I may be terrified of what will happen at school, the playground and out in public, but I want to know my kids are making the world a better place by spreading LOVE, Kindness, Manners and Gratitude.

I challenge the same for each of you.

Also, ANY love always wins shirts in my shop will get 30% off for LIFE. Just mention you read this when you order!  ♥♥

I guess secrets do kill you

I don't know exactly where I left off in my story.  I don't like to visit that chapter of my life often.  I do know that writing is healing.  I think I am pretty much healed, but every once in a while, something knocks me down and I am overcome with a wave of emotion.  I think Birthdays and Holidays are the hardest.  Not for me, I mean yes for me, but in a different way. 
My mom and dad have to spend Holidays alone.  My moms family has completely abandoned us.  My mom and dad stood by our side through it ALL.  She lost her sisters, her dad, her mom.  She lost some extended family members.  She lost friends who were like family.  ALL BECAUSE OF THIS MONSTER. 
I remember when the man got arrested and it all became real for my aunt.  Not once did she say oh my gosh I am so sorry.  Not once did she ask if we were ok.  The words that came out of her mouth were "Who is going to pay my house payment."
I get financial status is a thing.  It keeps people in terrible relationships.  It brings out gold diggers.  It really is the thing if you make or break it in life.  I get why she said it.....but not one single concern about me or my sister?  Not one?  Not a phone call. Nothing. All we got was, Don't ever speak to me or my family again.
My mom was right.  If her sister found out what her husband had done, her sister would hate her. Not once did she look and say, wow, they held this back to protect me for an entire year.  They thought of our kids, me, my financial situation. Not once. 
It was probably immediately, maybe a couple hours that my grandpa turned on us too.  Then slowly my other aunt, who  had all that cousins our age who were our best friends.  She wasn't downright not talking to us, but she said some VERY hurtful things that I will NEVER forget. She blamed it on "Well if those girls didn't wear bikinis at the cabin" (the cabin was at a beautiful lake that everyone boated, swam, etc.)   WHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?????  I'm still waiting for that apology..
Anyways, with the holidays coming up, my anxiety is getting higher, and I know my moms is too.  I appreciate her so much and the sacrifices she has been through to protect us.  She lost her entire family, and we still tried to protect this man through court dates.....

Show you care

Its easy to get caught up in your own lives, your own friends and forget about those that matter most to you.  Sometimes those that matter most to you are secretly falling apart inside and don't know how to reach out and ask for help or attention.  We see this in all walks of life.  From suicide threats down to the girl/guy that post anything and everything on social media.  Sometimes it is as simple as them pulling back from their normal behavior is a red flag.  If you have that friend that used to post everything they ate, said, did, and then all of a sudden they are posting next to nothing if at all, it is probably time to reach out.  Not only in social media, but through text, phone calls, smiles, anything.  I have seen it time and time again with friends and family.  The sad thing is, 9 times out of 10, something is going on, and someone NEEDS to reach out. 

I am usually a happy girl that makes friends easily.  I love hanging out and making friends into family.  I love to show off my cute kids (who doesn't) and share my life on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat.  I move, and I move a lot, so I think I am so into it, as a way to say "Hey everyone I have met, know, left, I am here and this is our life and please don't EVER forget us."

I have noticed I am not smiling as much as I used to. I have noticed I am not putting myself out there as much.  I noticed relationships slipping through my fingers and I feel helpless because I feel they are too far gone for help.  I have been reached out to by so many people.  SO many people have called and asked about my life. They have offered to let me let out all my frustrations.  They have let me vent and cry.  They have checked up on me and I am SO VERY THANKFUL. I am slowly but surely pulling myself out of this deep dark pit that I have got myself into.

With all that, I have realized that some people don't know how to help, how to ask, how to deal with someone who is pulling back and having bizarre behavior. 

1- CALL THEM.  Don't ask their family members how they are doing, don't ask a friend, pick up the phone and CALL THEM.  They will tell you what they want you to know about them and their feelings. Don't call to talk about other people.  Don't call to update them about EVERYBODY else YOU have been keeping up with besides them.  Ask about their lives, their childrens lives, the important things and the non important things. Ask how their kids extra curricular activities are.  ASK

2-TEXT THEM If calling is too scary (which I totally underdstand) simply send a text. a heartfelt message or just a simple, hey I was thinking about you.  This will move mountains in their life.

3- Send a Letter-  Who else loves a simple card in the mail.  Anything besides bills and junk mail. 

4- Pay attention-  It simply is as easy as that.  Take note of their likes and dislikes.  Their favorite music, food, treat, or how weirdly they love something quirky.  Take note!

5- MAKE PLANS-  Make a big plan or a simple plan with them.  It can be so simple. Things like, Hey can I call you tomorrow, are you busy?  Can we go get lunch?  Can we come visit?

6- Appreciation- Day in and day out, moms do not feel appreciated.  Like all the work they are doing means nothing to anybody.  They are tired, fed up, need a shower, and everybodys problems come before their own.  Call and tell them they are doing a dang good job.  Tell them the things they don't notice for themselves.  Tell them something they are doing right.  Tell them how hard they are working.

7- Send them something funny because laughter is hilarious and I truly believe it cures so many heartaches.  When you come across something that makes you laugh, share it, because you never know who else needs that laugh.

8- ASK-  Ask how their big event went. Ask how their child's birthday went.  Ask how they new recipe turned out that they wanted to try.  Ask how their talk went.  Ask if they are feeling better after a sickness.  Just ask.....

Not one single thing in this list costs money.  Not one single thing takes too much time or effort if at all.  You know what it will do though, SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE AND LOVE THEM.  I believe that is all we all really need.  We are human and we need attention.  Please reach out to an old friend. Please reach out to a family member.  Please just reach out, because you really could save someone from having a terrible hour, day, week, month, year.  Don't deny that it doesn't make you feel loved and needed when someone reaches out.

 As Ellen says, Be kind to one another.  That is what life is all about.

Happy Sixth!

I cannot even say how proud I am of you!  Not only today, but every single day.  Every single day you amaze me and knock my socks off!  You are So smart. Like really really smart.  You are Beautiful.  Not only on the outside, but your beauty shines out of your heart and soul as well.  You radiate beauty, that I know will last a lifetime.  You are kind, oh so kind, with a heart of gold. You have a tenderness to your soul, that I know will take you places and touch so many lives for the good.  You have been my right hand girl since day one, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  You are so funny and you are amazing!  Thanks for taking all these moves like a champ.  Thanks for helping me with anything.  Thanks for offering your giant hugs.  Thanks for making me realize what life is all about!  I love you, Bug!

You love turkey and cheese sandwiches with just mustard.

You are obsessed with unicorns and dolphins.

You kind of want to cut your long gorgeous hair.

You have lost 4 teeth, and 2 more wiggly ones.

You take dance (Jazz) and love it.

You are all things girl.

Halloween 2016

Man did Halloween just drag on and on this year for you?  I mean, I am a total Halloween junkie, but by the time the actual 31st came, I was just kinda like, blah.  Don't get me wrong, I had a total blast!  We went trick or treating with some friends! We dressed up! I loved watching the kids run from house to house and get so excited! 
We had a ward Halloween party with fun games. 
We went to McLane Stadium at Baylor University and did their spooktacular event.  Note to the wise, I will NOT be attending that one again.  We had to pay to get in.  Then it was just a bunch of businesses there that had you throw a bean bag through a wood pumpkin mouth and then woo hoo you go a sucker!  They DID have paint your own pumpkin, which was SO cute and fun, but hey, they paint is wet, and I was not taking that home.  They did also have the good donut shop there doing donut on a string.  But in the end, $30 to get it, we could have painted a bigger pumpkin at home and got a few dozen donuts. It was fun to be there and see the stadium, but you couldn't even go down into the seats to get a good picture of the fam by the field. Soooo, it was kind of a big waste of money.  Some cities do this same thing for FREE, and you get better candy!
The kids picked their costumes this year. With K being a Unicorn and E being Buzz Lightyear! Kendyls hair was SUCH a blast to do!  I will do a tutorial in a bit!  It is perfect for Halloween or crazy hair day at school!

 He was SO dang grumpy All night long! He would get a piece of candy and hand it right back!

 He cheered up a bit when he got to see the field though!

My mantle November

Cotton wreath:  I made it, BUT you can get one from Magnolia Market, and get 10% off if you sign up for their emails here

Felt Ball Garland:  Seriously, check out Hello MayPole! She is the cutest girl out of Salt Lake City Utah. She has felt balls for every occasion.  I met her at Silobration, and I bought this one (THAT JOANNA GAINES BOUGHT AS WELL) and a Christmas one.  Seriously, I am obsessed.  My kids LOVED helping me thread them, making a pattern, helping me hang them.  Go visit her right here.

Thankful Garland: GO TO TARGET DOLLAR SECTION

T letter: I have loved this store since, well, forever.  They have the most fun unfinished wood crafts! Seriously, frames, holidays, décor, letters, EVERYTHING.  visit them here

I did my photography in the family picture
 and the lyric quote, I made that as well.  If you would like any lyric quotes, please contact me! I make them customized to your liking!

Am I Enough

I think a big question on my mind lately is, Am I Enough?  Enough as in, am I doing enough, am I trying enough, and am I happy enough, etc.  Being a ranchers wife is hard.  Not like, ugh, we fed so many cows today, because caking the cows is one of my favorite things to do.  It is hard as in, I am a people person.  I LOVE being in crowds, being in the city, seeing people and seeing things.

I also really LOVE Texas, like crazy love.  If I had the option to pack up and move right now, I probably wouldn't take it.  In fact, I have told many people I am not leaving unless we get a crazy pay raise, or we get to go back to Utah.

I am having the hardest time making friends up here in Central Texas.  I have a few friends, but it is still just in the early stages where I am uncomfortable to show my crazy self just yet.  Not a single person here knows how much I love to have girls night, how much I love singing and dancing, and laughing until I am crying, making jokes, playing pranks, and my love for Disney.  They don't know that I have a love for chips and salsa that would make any grown man say, did you really just eat ALL that salsa?  They don't know my love of gathering of families and relaxing and talking and just being real with eachother.

All of this trying to make friends thing has really put me in the slumps lately, to be honest.  I even sometimes think I have a case of depression.  I hate to say it, because the lifestyle I am living, is SO many peoples dream.  And although I appreciate their dream, because I am living it, and I am so grateful, it just isn't MY dream.  So many people say, but you have such a big beautiful house.  This is also true, and I LOVE my house. I have loved decorating it, and living in it, and having space.  I just have nobody to share it with.  My mantle can be the most beautiful thing in the world, but I have nobody to see it.

I think social media is really hard on me while I am here for sure.  All I see is all my friends getting together and hanging out. Smiling, laughing, making the same ridiculous faces I would in a selfie.  I see friends getting their kids together for birthday parties and play dates, and picnics and preschool.  I see families visiting each other, going to movies, having dinner together, having holiday parties, going shopping.  I see my friends going on dates. DATES!  They simply drop their kids off at one of their parents or siblings houses and GO ON A DATE.  I can count on 1 hand how many dates Jase and I have been on in the 7 and a half years we have been married.  Literally, 1 hand, that is 5 fingers. 

I guess I am searching for attention, as some would say.  I have a need for people in my life, and it is slowly chipping away at my happy heart.  If I had it my way, I would have people at my house every single day.  We would have game nights, dance parties, heart to heart talks, watch movies, tell jokes, make fun of each other and become so close, it is like we are family. 

But am I enough to be able to get that back one day?  Am I enough where people even want to hang out with me.  Am I enough that people want to learn from me and me learn from them?  Am I enough, or am I just lost somewhere in this universe.  Do I matter?  Do my friends miss me like my heart aches for them? 

I know i need to try harder and that is what I am going to do for sure.  I know I need to realize that other peoples  happiness cup gets filled at home with their family. I mean, mine does as well, but i still need a social life.